toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
