My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
