i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
