You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this hospital has no fireball
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
