you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
