oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
