my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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