Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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