remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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