What did we do last night that was yellow?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
