omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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