some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
