she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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