winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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