How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
