Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
