Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
