I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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