you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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