Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
