that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
