how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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