totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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