Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
