If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
