I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
