fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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