i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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