ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
