Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
