I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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