I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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