Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
