i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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