so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
