I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
