a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
