We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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