How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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