Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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