but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
