We're like a lot better than the average bears
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
