I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
