A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
