If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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