I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
