forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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