yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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