At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
