My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
