dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
