I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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