I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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