Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
