clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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