I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
