We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
