i don't plan on having that self control this summer
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
