are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
