just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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