Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
