Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
