omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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