y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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