I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I love having hate sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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