Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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