My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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