also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
