id be glad to
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
