i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
