i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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