420 ftw
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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