the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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